DANDY DARLIN'
My wife, she has a Quarter Horse
With flaxen mane and tail.
She thinks he is the finest thing
That ever jogged a rail.
His name is Dandy Darlin'.
And if the truth I tell,
That fancy, pampered Quarter Horse
Has made my life pure hell.
My wife she used to cook for me,
And serve it with champagne,
But now she'd rather feed that horse
And fix his special grain.
He dresses better than I do,
With blanket, wraps, and ties.
My wardrobe's so neglected,
That I attract the flies!
She rides him every morning,
She grooms him half the night;
The last time that she kissed me,
Was just to be polite.
One day my wife was shopping,
She's gone down to the mall,
And fancy, pampered Darlin'
Was standing in his stall.
He looked so smug and sassy
That I began to grin.
Id saddle that fat sucker,
And take him for a spin
I've wondered since, if cues I gave
He might have misconstrued.
For when I climbed aboard that horse,
He rightly came unglued
He bucked and spun and snorted fire
And flung me through a fence.
I saw big stars and lost six teeth
That I ain't heard from since.
The wife came home and found me,
A-lyin' in the dirt.
She kissed her horse and said to him,
" Oh, Sweetheart, are you hurt?"
He'd scratched his nose a little bit --
The memory burns me yet --
She left me trampled in the dirt,
And ran to call the vet!